Instances of Raymond Cathode Fields
The fir frosted with new growth. Trees crowded around a single spot, framed in the window. There for the seeing, for the bedridden, for the unmoveable and slaked of throat, each moving and taking possession of faltered rhythm, close-eyed dreaming, colours pawing in sun draft. Wood pigeons whoop, for everything hidden in their hearts. So often not my view. A mornings of others – after the slam of curtain edges, are held open with cross-nailed arms, helpless in the first announcement of light in the room. The feet stacked, slightly slanted on each other, as caught fish, married slugs, the funny clown-like Christ that flitters and jerks in the dreaming mind. How welcome he would be. Such a nervous alignment of the feet. The head is swung out to the side, the jaw-line slipping down perpendicular to the joists of the underarm. They sit without announcement, pressing slightly into a rafter of sunlight. A few branches have thicken in the midst of the canopy – an inverted bottle, a green of a lichen brewery. Sky utterly blurred, decapitated conifers. And, smothered in vine, a panicked linden – then a sudden allowance of motes as the silver picks up, sound creeps in there, before shadows then scowl from each of their depths. The shadows flee, hidden in countless indentations. Nothing moving but for one tendril, a lock of blond, curling desperately. Notice the dust on the flattened surfaces. Mark that hang of the roof…
Must isolate men in suits. Shoot in the back. Buzz words, not enough of a ream of consciousness. Not enough prudence, the financial year. Mean meat cuts, continuing after you have left. Supermarket fission. Continuity of pain. Blood sample. They put a sponge in her nostril, this is the oxygen. She said she hadn’t lain that way for close on two years. Colour arrangements of boredom. Small print. The blood cold immediately on the extant, it’s an effective sweat. The changing of sample cartridges, magazines – the port open like a wound. Acronym confluence. Acrono-pier, what is this code but a simple extension of exits, thought providing an entrance to itself. On to the touch, the spring cleaning. Aggravated assault and a soundless way with him. My marked-up method, come on, crack back into my head. Wake up. Those lost ways. Cybernetic, hapless. Down to a gap of an inch.
The disparity hits occasionally, light being dragged forcibly out of its position amid these chemicals. No references. Sky dirty on the way down here, but the hilltop emerged as if dipped in clean ivory coating. Feeling the standing weight on hidden granite beds, untimely grains perspiring to the surface – the imperfect approach of words.
Overlooking the incline, mists follow the threads of the waterways. Rivers or perhaps canals. An uncertain hour sees the slope rising up towards a side of sky, just beginning the fade into silhouette. That river wound out and away, over hillocks, glass impressions. Fault lines etch light in bands. Soft ground underfoot. The preview of words comes slowly – a team roped together, moving constantly from slack to taut. What do you call the dead water on the port side of the sea wall? Equipment set up at base – boxes, wooden and lacquered black. Some ornamented by the Japanese. Dug into the slope, out of the wind, a flattened wedge cut into the promontory. The machine gun post forms a crick in the grass. Across the valley is the other station, ready to transmit. Line up the coherer and decoherer, moisten the sensitive state. A dream returns all of a sudden – glass-encased metal coils. Lodged in 1894 amid slow diagrams and figures. Dusting for air prints.
A sudden image of the children’s graveyard near to the outskirts of the hospital grounds – positioned at the very corner of farmland, a tiny segment isolated in a wheat field. We have high input levels, and we can feed back around. Another image of the burned man, tea-coloured, who was bound to his chair on the corner in the Old Town, his skin approaching madness. A lack of defining moments; impaled meat cuts. A card stamped as anonymous, here we go, smell the flowers bricked in. Working in the fields in lonely moistures, wanting to sit still and ask. No emblem of sweat, but of liquid ebbing languidly between him and the world. Nothing is admitted to the air. Screened off. Living in dark times, a slight swing of the light bulb there, some kind of disturbance, who knows what, some kind of seismic activity. The sunlight yellowing the saggy net curtains, then an itchy movement in the trees, psoriatic snatches. Life flakes off at this speed. Darkened time, and it’s all a question of what? Of what you might intend. Where your loyalties lie. A prepared shirt pocket always sopping, like a dumb kid’s bottom lip. This clothing has thinned into a type of skin – I want to know about you, just have far have you come with this aimlessness? There is a purity at which you don’t know how to point. Are you agreeing with me? I’m following the conversation with string, why not more? At the tip of its end. Ending tips. A weave of pathways scratches the the mountainous roof. Lines set hard into the ice flats, rolled by diamond wheels as tracery notation, pass between peaks, passes. Hugging the ground all of a sudden. Rain is always upset when it is interrupted. When it hangs off you, when it cries from branches, those are such tears.
Rivers slowly talking to mud, the mixture forming glass sheets, then, having lifted out of light, beginning to rise over cities (I claim fear in filling the mouth with water, then air), the sky cracking, the stampede just one disjointed beat away, a useless mess of people, bunched up and snapping, rolling ribs. What have you done? Have you spoken out? Did you take to the streets when they remained dry, did you join? A wooden spoon rattled on the base of a cook pot. This is how anti- you are. But we see that nothing, that nothing works. Get the loaded vantage, the high jacket. Take the shot, but that is not what is key here. It’s easy to misplace something so fugitive as faith.
“You got the wrong guy.”
So why are you called that? Such a question. No other names, just that single moniker – are you filled with the blood of the lamb? Are you just, innocent? Call out your name before your name. Both pure and clean, beautiful boys, that feeling came in the face of everything, that there was nothing wrong with the body. Encouraged by a childhood chant, a divine providence amidst a crushingly atheistic household… how come you think I can do that? – “because you’re Fairchild” – no need for further explanation, no statement of qualification…before, after a while I began to get sidetracked by that statement, horrified at the idea, absolute immovability of it, the sudden pointlessness. As I would look at my own body, very pale skinned and thin breasted, dotted with pale moles, the stringy flat stomach of adolescence, and it was clear that there was nothing wrong. As if it had been whispered to me in dreams, or given to me in confidence before I was formed. Something I had woken up with inside my head.
“The cages and car park cells bulge beneath the streets.”
Fairchild ties his hands together. His right thumbnail has grown long and has a lopsided curve than reminds him of his mouth – in photographs he sees it and sometimes can hardly credit it, his jaw offset a few degrees, the centre of the lip skewed slightly, and he feels like he is peeling, the skin loose , cooked, never able to fit against the skull as it might, and again, his small teeth that are like those of a child – always been frightened by that in the smiles of others, the large area of gum that frames the row of teeth that are small like sardine bones – those spinal tubes that such at the slightest touch, in patterns made with chalk powder sprinkling through rubbed thumb and forefinger. If the smile is broad and the top lip slips upwards, the hard flesh seems horribly exposed, the fierceness of the skull right there just a fraction of a millimetre from the surface, lubricated with thin spit, skin-covered china, the flesh smothering out any trace of enamel, and it feels wet and hot and claustrophobic, no escape at all.
All the rest he bites
Such a
Closest thing to policy
No separations
That nonetheless could be subsumed in the
Act of personality
Inclusivity of rigour
What does control give you here?
Clean agent
Works in pot A and pot B
If you have one to piss in
A set of responses
Driven from the outside also
Perhaps more so
The mechanism itself
Put off as a delay
We’ll grind them up
In the open field
Under the poetic text
The leper text
Applied to all operations
Ever so piecemeal
Failed in desire
And this building
Coded call
And this dream tick
More on the level
Buried in space mass
Filled land
trained economics
Connections
Absorptions
I do it too
Desperate over it
Barely function
On this range of allowances
What is given an IN
And supplied with no possible EXIT
Or do we show the filter?
Yes I take a history listing
And present the primary
I mean OF COURSE
Heightened batteries
Over the network
Echo this
Print the heart size, if it keeps still
Need to create a bedding field
A seed array
To be called up
Displayed to favour
This obsession with slicing things up
It is more a feeling for everything as
Enough dissatisfaction
to partake of all things
Partial
Callous
No stance
Moral forests
Burn the desert cities
Weapons grade
Reconstruct
Slump into ice blue scars
And start to bring the numbers up
Rushing as shoals
Pulled out from the streets
Laughing cavalier
Petrochemical
Mud-tongue
The ocean slipped inland
Mountain boats
This level of exclusion is no accident
Bring it all together
As writing murdered by its own movements
Skin split phimosis of spirit – cowardly notions in time of war
Open or underhand, but instead
Underhand AND paraded, over a core course of quicksilver
That describes a tumbling desperation
The space before the onset of panic
Which is defined as
Pre-
But it is the eternal shadow
Of the orgasm
An endless plane
Just missed
Over the slick edge

He tries his hand at writing. Begins to read out the previous days takings.
“What say Fairchild? Well, I say garump, then I flicks my fingernails against one another, chirping a beautiful sound, like picks in a quarry, those insect mouths, the mandibles that you wouldn’t credit. A stiff cuff and collar this morning – in preparation for the off – and what a fit of suit, for I always thinks this sort of arrangement doesn’t hang right, these fat baggy liquid palms hung like drying fish out at the links. Digits puffy, giving me away to these surrounding eyes as something mis-placed, something out of a certain element, yes, shrinking in the sun, stumped with maggots. Unfit. Though then who knows, they might view me as someone key – this pretty woman now sitting with her legs bound up in a skirt like a bandage, crossed too, tangled at the knee, over those faun-coloured cushions of the lobby seats, her cell phone disgraced at her ear, buzzing and popping that same fingernail sonar, she – well – she often might look me up and down or, as it may be, from side to side, I spot a line of ink at her palm’s beginning, her pen has broken, having given in to her lean, and she guffaws gently, pressing that hot plastic to her cheek, a little feedback from the leaking valve, past all consequence now. That’s how you came out, that’s right, she was talking from birth, asking for all things needed, at feeding and all other times. I might lay heres a while, or then follow her to her room, not to like her light… what am I saying, I wanted to name her then. I called her for a moment, made her mine. Now she rises up, the knees slipping out of their chain lock, still awkwardly knocking against each other like bent keys, and she disappears into the restaurant. So, but then, back to the moment, the aim, where we aim before we forced the sight – I am dressed correct, though I am stiff amongst it, the starch crowds the skin even from the distance of one size out, or some approximation thereof, for we are sure that this is not how it fits, I have seen the images, and the square-jaws, that sidle down the corridor to the carpeted gymnasium, all those glossy shows, and surely this is not that same configuration, this is not that perfect concern. The tie runs up to the throat like a murderous rat, up a drain, yes, where the game is to time its whack on the skull as it makes a break, feel its give, one dollar a shot, the half-remembered Windsor clump an addendum organ knotted there, swinging like a dirty words outside the larynx, clasped and ready, though not quite enough to be out and spoken. A tied tongue, needing to be scissored; these thoughts flush quickly, a bubble of ultraviolet, paused for the moment when I let him know that, indeed I am on to him, I recognise his schemes, his systems are not hidden but in their true purpose and I am here to tell, in no uncertainty, that I know precisely where he is, from where he starts, each day and so on – all this to happen in the marble bathroom where I will approach him perfectly timed. But the knot certainly grafts against the throat. No minute of peace is given. A late bloom, stunted and having to emerge forceful, the messy stress of the lower jaw amongst it all. The lobby is quiet, some strange sort of hour in which codes are exchanged amongst the workers, yes, the calm before the storm as it might be, that fat-faced concierge, the one who has bought my glance more than a few times, I wonder how he regards these pleasantly quiet moments, when the last remaining drinkers are in the bar, soon to wander back into the lift boxes to disappear into the rooms. He watches me for another moment, his eyes pressed up into his low brow, giving me an uncertain eye to be sure, maybe to carry me out… his lips are coloured strangely, like he was drunk on wine, but perhaps it is explained away by the amount of time he spends licking them with that circular sweep of an otherwise colourless tongue, all his blood having slunk away somewhere into the far circuits of his face, sure enough to get away from his words, his no doubt reedy voice, his tangle of nothingness only… when some prior insistence, ah… some such. But the whiteness of these cuffs disturbs me, the stability of their ringed contours too, and I do not like its hold. Though it is the suit that hides me, I must keep that fresh. It is so distant from me that I am sufficiently buried – Giacometti, I said at the mirror, but the room was silent almost too soon after I closed my mouth, so I decided not to speak out loud to myself again. Soon it will be smoke and fire… what I mean is, the slur of slow sound is like smoke at the moment, but soon it will be fire. Soon it will explode into meaning, from wet heat into dry purpose. It is the parade of following a route, a spring sprung, the logic of my actions, and damn it I am tired and perhaps not as efficiently as I had in my run through, the cleanliness of which was indisputable, the silence of door fittings, the perfect approach, the perfect attack, every response and gut reaction predicted and seen before it occurred, never lost for one moment, always ahead of the game, every sound known and planned, every incident(al) thing catered for. Yes don’t doubt it. Nothing is going to reproach me. Though I am tired without the perfect – but I want to pass the moments thinking about my clothes, my first suit of this kind, and it presses on sections of my limbs that I had not predicted and I suppose it is throwing me a little, the need for a dress rehearsal was not quite in my mind, but the thing is the correct get up for the event, I must be in no further confusion. A coil of thread like a cobra on my sleeve, how it raises its diamond head like that I shall not understand, but picking it off and tumbling it between thumb and finger I drop it to the carpet – an asteroid into lava, such is the confused spit of it. The material stiffens under the fingertips too, it seems, nothing to comfort me, it presses a horseshoe of cotton onto the back of my hand. The pleat confers to confuse my shins, my knees perhaps have forgotten how exactly to configure the walking stance, the upshot, my take off will be compromised, my timing will be astray… but the neck hole is not a problem and how is this, how it is, don’t know how my neck has provided for itself, as it seems to be in the most comfort here, I swill slightly from each side, and nothing doing, the wired disturbance only running down from there… no matter. What you might call a chalk stripe, outlining my lined or depth, contoured stretched out equidistant down the sleeves and across the back. Dull map of seabeds… they have a plant here in this lobby, a bonsai, yet enormous, stunted an yet oversized – coiled nightmare mania about to explode out destroying relative scale and emitting confusion (I feel the strain on my face) between one range and another, and in reach of neither. A strange thing, no mistake. Where is the commotion that was expected? The look from the concierge seems to have altered some, he gazes now with an expert lean, perhaps his professionalism rears it ugly head. Watch me in this armour suit, my cardboard cut-out, like billiard baize that zips up my intent, but I have a fucking appointment concierge, don‘t doubt that. He writes at that desk as if trying to keep his inner wrist as close to his waist as physically possible, all the while craning his neck in little juts, light glinting in grass blades of stiffened hair. What kind of thing is happening here? I am waiting here, simply being in the appropriate place, appropriately dressed, no awkwardness should be apparent, though there are suspicions being aroused, something is moving, there is trouble afoot, I sense it, something about me is suspicious, something does not fit and will scupper all. I turn around, rather too flamboyantly, capsize one of these leather loafers (fit for apes and case-carrying lackeys, mill slaves) under itself and nearly snap my leg tendons out from behind the shin bone – Jesus’ pain! – I retake the armchair, run the finger pads over that strangely curving bone, feel its coarse rub and wonder what is happening to my skeleton here and now in the lobby, its pustules or marrow and scrapings of future old age pain feeling like a dreadful texture beneath the trousers. Now gazing out into the street, these chairs set up in tandem so they were, back to back, one fairly set against the elevator doors (the one all my bargaining has been for, the perfect view, from which to begin the task, from where to strike, in full view, my position) the other left stupidly gazing into the bleached street like an old fellow at the widow, gazing and thinking. Of course I am out of position now, I am at fault all of a sudden, lost at sea and cut off, no reference from which to begin my thinking. I lack the bell the arrival to set all things in pattern. I must resume my disguise with more fluidity, I must trust its appearance, that from inside seems so stiff and unnatural – this is the apparel that these people require, I am perfectly correct, I am in place, thinking along the same lines, I belong. There must be something that I can try, some diversionary tactic that I might use to explain my movements, if there need be an explanation, the concierge eyes me still, I feel his eyes in the back panel of this suit. He might have watched me throw the muscle out of my lower leg in that injury out of nothing, watched me scream blue blood murder and grasping my calf in horror, rolling around the foyer like some usual demonic tycoon. I wonder if indeed that could be what he considers me, a super rich, for its difficult to tell just how I am appraised, there is nothing against which to judge, no reference points. Perhaps he views me as some wastrel worker, waiting down here for the arrival of a lunch date, a business patter gone wrong and needing to be repaired, something to do with conferences and tables, neatly stacked, plastic glasses and the rumour of drink. But I forget the plainest thing in my favour, obsessing as I am about the suit and the invisibility it affords me, in this laminated plastic label that hangs from the chest pocket, attached though with a metal clip, expertly articulated as some miniature crane, with the letters and codes that allow me to be welcomed here no matter what. This is my passport to this world, this is my cover, not the suit, this, as well as my unshakable calm under this certain pressure. This is the identity spoken here. It states my business, even implies my chosen pleasures, it defines me in a glance, for all, not just the concierge, during these particular weeks here and now, this is all the security that I could possibly want. There is nothing to worry about. Nothing to fear. I am on track, on schedule. Now if I can just as naturally as I am massaging the ID card, move around back onto the original chair, facing the appropriate way then all will be back perfectly to its prearranged order. We can begin again. How to manufacture such a delicate operation, moving from one vantage to another, with what possible reason could one give if asked for the inexplicable motion from the one chair to another. I will have it by the time the operation is complete, for really why would one have to give his explanation for all the slightest movements he made across space and time, from chair to chair, even the position of his limbs and thoughts, there are no private motions there these days it would seem. The fabric of the trousers seems to have an ability to attach itself to my knees as I rise up and begin to move across the carpet, which is a sensation that I neither like or dislike, it might be caught on some other rough bone that I had not known I had grown, some other nodule of future pain that lies in wait. But in mid-flight, checking my progress was not being viewed and recorded and checked against possible reasoning held in the hotel stores for men moving and fidgeting for no apparent reason, the desk is empty and the concierge has up and gone, perhaps to ask the management to come and discuss my movements, perhaps even the one that I am in the midst of right now, perhaps that are onto my larger plan, my grander scheme that involves some tens of thousands of such movements, perhaps he is on the telephone in the back room, I imagine there is such a back room, full of safe deposits, keys, I do not know, toilet rolls and towels, where he is reporting my motions to the press, even to the police news. Police news? What is this? And here I am still climbing towards a reasonable statement to give if I am apprehended about my curious movements, bouncing from one chair to the next, that I have not been totally on top of the current situation, I am not quite ‘up to speed’, you see. But the absence of the concierge is a greater concern than my reasons for moving around so haphazardly, I must maintain this trajectory and regain my starting position and then begin to figure out –
“Excuse me, sir…”
The concierge, cowering in between scales like a polite freak, his hands bent in curious ways.
“Excuse me, sir, but you flies are undone…”
Speak, FAIRCHILD:
“Gah yerrss, was a little cold around there…”
“I’m sorry?”
“Salittle, little too near the door. I found it colder.”
“Right. You are, ahem, err, flying low sir…”
“Whattz at? Low lying? Nothing of that sort…”
“Sir, I mean that your trousers are unfastened.”
“…Gah, chalk line… gah, yessir, yes, I see that you mean well. Y’appreciate that.”
“You are most welcome, sir.
“Gah…”
“Are you not going to refast-… right you are sir.”
But for all the world. Nothing approaches this in the annals of old. He slinks back to his wooden veneered den, his pen station, his command booth, and I complete the movement down and across, slinking into the open cup of the chair facing inward. Back in position. Rise up gently on my buttocks, pursing them slightly, pushing out the pelvis in order to safely grab the small metal clasp and pull my trousers closed. Of all the sensations I was feeling about this attire, the itchiness and the ill fitting shapes and hangs, I did not notice the yawning hole at the front, most visible to all passers by and casual glancers, no indication of wind being allowed in, no turbine cooler. Somewhat wider than a chalk line. In any case I believe his suspicions have shifted, perhaps now he considers me something of a strange fruit, at worst some sort of lowly sex perversion that might pull out his extremities and do some dance with them in tow, but that is an acceptable risk at the present time, he can be allowed that misconception. I have a job to do here and now, which on review, could look bad, could look extremely as if I were some twisted person seeking kicks, but the seriousness of my engagement is something that keeps my mind centred. I must keep the task in hand, the play in mind. Offence and defence, pulling that move through all known calls and commands, the combinations of motions. I glance at the wall clock, it is about the right time, it is surely near that the required substance will seep into these seconds and minutes, will charge them with an electricity of purpose and meaning, will power up my spine and spirit in a conflagration of energies. I await his person and run over his demeanour in the mind – his plaited pattern suit, sharply cut but somehow still not quite fitting his person, so strangely shaped is he nowadays, in these years he has fattened and become an odd mock up of what the young executive might turn into if it was left to police artists to predict in their identikit worlds, but a life spent in this profession, as it was and has been reaching to the top, much like to the penthouse of these very city structures, in the belly of which I find myself now, awaiting like Jonah for a sliver of light, keeping in my mind the blowhole, to blow! Escape routes, tearing out of the entrails of this city, nothing will keep me still, I will force through tissues and fleshes, districts and brick, run run… to the top, as owner of conglomerates, the maker of hidden invisible deals with the very patterns and habits of life, extreme power ruled by numbers, numbers commanded by other numbers, ways of life, countries raided, the bands of black beneath the seas, oceans, under great rock flats, seams of wealth affords him these rooms in this city, the strange hold even of his suit, its crumpled clasp around his waist as if he slept in a small tight chair for a few moments, perhaps entreating some demon of his that keeps him moving keeps him acquiring, earning, to let him sleep a little, let him curl against the back of the chair with slightly wet hands clasped together, under his body, like prayer sticks, signal fans, looking for warmth and the trapped security beneath his body weight, let him sleep for a few minutes before he goes out of the door, flanked by whomever run along for the ride, his business case now swinging like an extension of his will, his attaché, his middle man, clasped at the wrist with a pair of Los Angeles handcuff that he was given as some silent and deal clinching gift some years ago. Magnate magnet. I am stalking Mr Magnet. And he will fall under my plan. Difficult to track down in normal circles, difficult to know where exactly these things will come together, but come together they must for it all is essential to the ongoing. He is above now, early morning, readying to exit just like I have said, readying to press DOWN buttons and to fall into my arms on the bell. Such is my hunger to see him here never be warm. How will everything move out from here and this point forward? Here he comes then, out of his frame, his movements don’t come close to the magazine shots, the video shakes that I have seen so far. But he is fuller here in person, at this distance, his head clipped by the light from the elevator, a cold light, out from that capsule down onto this planet and its thankfully breathable atmosphere, lest he gets loose his ventilator and stalks and takes specimens, finds the minerals to source, to drain planets and moons yessir, he is certainly different here, a grey tinge, perhaps blue, in the fabric of his finery, an incomplete feeling, as if I had only seen the image of him in flat, now I turn him over. He spins free out there, moving and unsafe, I can still do this. A tie that looks like a wound down his sternum.”